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17 June 2006 @ 11:16 am
Yes, but what does it *mean*?  
I'm starting to feel a little crazy.

Tomorrow is the 18th-- for some reason, I woke up this morning and thought, oh, that means it will be time for... and the thought didn't finish itself. But I knew the date was important.

But *why*?

My nieces don't leave for camp until the 22nd. Neb's birthday is the 25th. My credit card bill isn't due until the 30th?

And yet something is supposed to happen tomorrow. Damned if I know what. I hope it isn't something stupid, like a movie or book release. I'll feel really dumb, if it is. It can't be a doctor's appointment, because I've *seen* all my doctors already this month in that rush of 'oh-my-god-its-summer-maybe-i-should-get-this-out-of-the-way'. Why the heck is the 18th stuck in my head?

On top of that, my grandmother called just a few minutes ago. She just wanted me to know that she wouldn't be in today, since she's taking my grandfather to the hospital. Oh god, I thought, fearing the worst, whatever for?
He's had a headache for three days, and this morning he woke up with double vision. It's just a precaution, she said.
Please let it just be a precaution.

I just saw him on Monday, too. I took a day trip to visit them at their summer place in Indiana. My grandmother and I went to the fleamarket, and he grilled some chicken for us when we came home. Later, I had my iPod on while I was doing dishes-- I didn't realize he was in the room with me, so I was mouthing the words and shaking my finger to the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony". He sat down in a chair, which caught my attention, and then he started shaking his finger too, sort of laughing at me.
"Well," I said, "if you're gonna do that, you have to do the chair-dance, too." I demonstrated. Laughing, he mimicked, arms up and pumping and everything.
"You kids are so weird," he said.
"Nyah," I responded, "you're mean."
"No I'm not-- I'm the last of the good guys." Which is what he *always* says.

It's just a precaution. It's just a precaution.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I can't help it-- I spent all of yesterday doing laundry and other mindless tasks, trying to give my body something to do while my brain processed Susan's passing. But it won't process, not really. And I don't think washing every article of clothing I own is going to change that.

-Meredith
 
 
Emotional Temperature: morosemorose
The Band Plays:: "Still Waiting"-- by Sum 41
 
 
 
Amberminttown1 on June 17th, 2006 04:03 pm (UTC)
Do you think the thing about tomorrow could be Father's Day? In a way, I doubt it, but I've been noticing the date, so maybe you are too?

Your grandfather will be in my thoughts. As will you, Meredith. *hugs* It's going to be a tough time, for a number of reasons. Take it easy, as much as you can.

(Question: You finished your thesis. Does this mean you're graduating soon, or already have? Because I want to do something for you, even if it only ends up being a card.)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: familygarnettrees on June 17th, 2006 04:39 pm (UTC)
Do you think the thing about tomorrow could be Father's Day? In a way, I doubt it, but I've been noticing the date, so maybe you are too?
Heh... you know, for some reason, I always think Father's Day is the 21st (which is actually the solstice). Thank you for reminding me that it's actually tomorrow-- not that I do anything for my *cough*loserspermdonor*cough* real dad, but I usually buy my grandfather a book, since he's the closest thing I have to a real father.

Still, I think there's something else about the 18th. *wracks brain* This is making me crazy!

(I did finish my thesis... for my history major. Since I'm trying for a double major [history and asian studies], I'm not quite done yet. I'm scheduled to graduate next June, after I do my Asian Studies thesis and clear up some of my lingering requirements. *sigh* But it was so sweet of you to ask! *hugs tight* You're always so thoughtful.)

*hugs some more*
-Meredith
digitalwavedigitalwave on June 17th, 2006 04:21 pm (UTC)
I was going to go with Father's Day. Also, on a fannish note, Dead Zone is back tomorrow night, do you watch it and maybe wanted to remember?

*hugs* for the stresses you're facing sweetie.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: marthakentgarnettrees on June 17th, 2006 04:43 pm (UTC)
Hmmm... I don't follow the Dead Zone, though I probably saw the ads for it during The 4400. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill, here.

*hugs back* Thanks for the support, Digi. ^_^
-Meredith
Ravenloneraven on June 17th, 2006 04:43 pm (UTC)
I'm with you, definitely. My brain isn't allowed to switch off - exams from Monday - but it wants to anyway, and makes me think about Susan rather than my maths, and brings up memories of her when I'm not consciously thinking about her.

(I've been thinking about the old mash-slash list a lot lately, and yesterday I was out walking to the library and someone stopped me and said, "Are you loneraven? I'm Meredith."

And I had a complete freakout for a minute, and was honestly surprised when it wasn't you or bibliotropic! It's strange how these things work, I guess.)

Your grandfather sounds like a great guy. I'll be thinking good thoughts for him.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: kissmegarnettrees on June 17th, 2006 04:46 pm (UTC)
My brain isn't allowed to switch off - exams from Monday - but it wants to anyway, and makes me think about Susan rather than my maths, and brings up memories of her when I'm not consciously thinking about her.
Maths are tough on the brain anyway-- and when your brain's defenses are down, it's even worse. *hugs*

someone stopped me and said, "Are you loneraven? I'm Meredith."
That's bizarre! And here I though Meredith was a fairly unusual name-- I never met anyone else with that name (aside from one girl in highschool) until I joined the Mash-Slash list. I don't blame you for freaking out-- I would have freaked out too!

Your grandfather sounds like a great guy. I'll be thinking good thoughts for him.
Thank you. He'd probably thwap me if he knew how much I was worrying, but I can't help it.
-Meredith
gamesiplaygamesiplay on June 18th, 2006 04:13 am (UTC)
*hugs you* If there's ever a reasonable time to be paranoid, it's this kind of time, you know? Boot got home two hours late from some party on Friday night, and for those two hours I was half-sure something had happened. So, I guess what I'm saying is that paranoia is-- well, if not a rational response, then an understandable one.

It sounds like your grandfather was feeling great on Monday, and that's definitely a positive sign. I'll be thinking of him, and of you, and hoping that he turns out fine.

*hugs* If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.
Meredith Bronwen Mallorygarnettrees on June 21st, 2006 03:13 am (UTC)
*hugs* Thank you so much for being there, and being so understanding, dear. It's been a rough time for all of us, but you've really been there for everyone. *hugs* We all owe you a lot. ^_^
-Meredith