Meredith Bronwen Mallory (garnettrees) wrote,
Meredith Bronwen Mallory
garnettrees
  • Mood: nauseated
  • Music: "The Sky Could Fall Tonight"-- by Amber Pacific

H.P. Lovecraft is rolling in his grave

So Sam and I decided to rent Beyond the Reanimator, even though it's a Lovecraft-based cult film, which we've had bad experiences with before. For a guy who had very few females-- let alone references to anything remotely sexual-- in his work, Lovecraft's stories always seem to get twisted on-screen with bizarre and improbable additions of sex, bondage, and lots of gore. Lovecraft himself depended on none of these things to write horror, and he was a mastermind.


But, fools that we were, we popped in the tape...

[five minutes in]
MEREDITH: Did that little kid just grope his sister?
SAM:... dudes.

[ten minutes in]
SAM: Okay, scary German warden-- that's not a cliche.
MEREDITH: At least it's not Speirs.

[twenty minutes in]
MEREDITH: Ew! Ew! I can't watch! Ew! *buries face in the carpet* What's happening?
SAM: He's peeling the skin off the rat.
MEREDITH: Ew! Ew!

[forty minutes in]
SAM: That's disgusting!
MEREDITH: He doesn't have any legs! *moans*
SAM: Oh, I can't watch...

[fifty minutes in]
MEREDITH: Did she just bite off his penis?
SAM: *shudders* Yeah.
MEREDITH: Seriously?
SAM: Yeah.
MEREDITH: Gross! *hides again*
SAM: Dudes, the nurse has bondage gear on under her uniform.

[fifty five minutes in]
MEREDITH: *having given up any pretense of trying to watch* I like it down here on the floor. It's nice and safe. I can't see the screen.
SAM: Dudes, the rat just made off with the dismembered penis!
MEREDITH: No way.
SAM: Yes, way.
MEREDITH: Oh...

[credits roll]
SAM; That was...
MEREDITH: Oh my god.
SAM: I mean, I have a fairly strong stomach, and that was...
MEREDITH: Oh. My. GOD.
SAM: Who thinks up this stuff? That was...
MEREDITH; Psychotic. I'm never going to eat again.

So, let that be a lesson. Lovecraft's genius obviously can not be transferred to the screen, especially not by sex-obsessed morons who think the essence of horror is found in blood and guts. Clearly, the great priest Cthulhu will rise from the sunken depths of Ryleh and consume these blasphemous mortals' souls.

I'm going to go read the original story now, so I'll feel better.

Also, if you see a copy of Beyond the Reanimator, please run-- nay flee-- as fast as you possibly can.
-Meredith
who is deeply traumatized
Tags: film, horror, lovecraft
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