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22 July 2006 @ 01:53 pm
Just had a long, drawn out telephone fight with my mom. The arguement started out on a topic totally unrelated to the fact I'm a lesbian, but ended with her telling me that I need to "realize it's no one's business", "stop wearing it like a badge", and "stop being so political".


I hope I don't shove my sexuality in people's faces. I'm open about it if people ask, but I don't automatically tell everyone I meet that I'm a dyke. Maybe I'm a little more open about it on my LJ, 'cause I feel people should know what they're getting in to if they friend me, but... she really hurt my feelings, saying that. She complained that if I see something on TV that I feel is being unfair to gays and lesbians, I get upset. Isn't that a natural reaction? I have the same problem with racial and religious slurs. She acts like I use it as an excuse to feel persecuted, or something.

She swears up, down and sideways that she's okay with my sexuality. But I've never brought a girlfriend home, and she's never been in a situation where she really has to face up to the fact. Maybe I'm taking words said in anger too personally, but... you know, I'd love it if my being a lesbian wasn't a big deal. I really would. But the world, the country we live in, makes it a big deal. A lot of people, when they find out, act as if I've decieved them in some way, as if I've been "passing". I'd love it if my sexuality was no one's business, but the government comes into my bedroom and makes it their business.

She said she didn't want to have a political debate with me-- I said that just because some larger issues came into play didn't mean that we were getting poltical.
"I can't save the world," she told me, "so I don't want to think about it."

Which I really think is what it boils down to.
God, I just. I want to lay down and cry, but there's supposed to be cable repair man coming soon to fix my DVR.
Emotional Temperature: crushedcrushed
Nebula: xander willow comfortauthoressnebula on July 22nd, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry sweetie. I've never seen you wave your sexuality around. I do know that you're into girls, but it's never bothered me any. (I'm a Christian, and I'm pretty positive these days that I'm bi. I've never been with a girl, so I can't say for sure, but I think I am.)

It should bother you if someone on TV slanders gays and lesbians. It bothered me well before I liked girls that way. It's wrong and it's stupid. No one should ever talk someone down like that.

And your mom certainly shouldn't have done it to you. I'm so sorry sweetie. You deserve to be the way you want to be without people shoving you down right and left. *hugs* I love you so much sweetie, remember that. I married you for a reason, you know. ^_^

Meredith Bronwen Mallory: pmsgarnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 02:46 am (UTC)
I do know that you're into girls, but it's never bothered me any. (I'm a Christian, and I'm pretty positive these days that I'm bi. I've never been with a girl, so I can't say for sure, but I think I am.)
*smiles* I think most people could be attracted to both sexes if they were completely honest with themselves, I'm just one of those people at the poles. There are some guys I've thought are good looking, from an artistic perspective, but never one I've been interested in sexually. I'm so proud of you for being honest and open to possibilities. A lot of people don't seem to realize that they're cutting off a part of themselves by not looking at possibilities.

I love my Mom, but I think this is one of those things we're never gonna really "get" each other on. The last time she had sex was a few months after my brother was born, and I think she's honestly one of those people who's asexual. So I guess I come off as kind of sex-obsessed, to someone who's been going it alone for over twenty years.

*hugs* I love you too, darling. You're a treasure.
Lishlishel_fracrium on July 22nd, 2006 06:29 pm (UTC)
your a lesbian? cool. sorry I've been kinda lurking around your journal for a while. And your right it should be none's business but everyone makes it a big deal..maybe one day it won't be. *hugs*
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: marthakentgarnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 02:47 am (UTC)
Re: ...
*grins* That would be a roger. ^_~ I've seen some of your comments on my Clex fic, Lishel (pretty name, btw), which I really appreciate. I'll second your hope that one's orientation becomes less of a big deal in the future.
Lishlishel_fracrium on July 23rd, 2006 08:16 am (UTC)
Re: ...
why thank you it's not my real name but I like it. I still don't understand why yall can't get married. do you?
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: badgirlsgarnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 07:25 pm (UTC)
Re: ...
why thank you it's not my real name but I like it.
I figured as much. It sounds like something out of Herbert's Dune-- very aristocratic and exotic. ^_^

I still don't understand why yall can't get married. do you?
The issue has been high-jacked by politicians, pretty much. I mean, people who think homosexuality is a 'disease' don't want gay marriage because that create a place for us in the system. It wouldn't be so "out there" any more. There's no real reason why we shouldn't be allowed to get married, but there's a lot of hidden agendas involved, I think.

Lishlishel_fracrium on July 23rd, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC)
Re: ...
*blush* actually it is a made up name in a made up language form my teens. I kept it because it wasn't someone else's. wow no one has ever told me that before. *g*

see That is the weird thing. *scratches head* it you are a "disease" wouldn't it make sense that you marry and say together. wouldn't that sort of err reduce the threat.....does that make any sense?
now I'm not saying this is my view because my reasons are different but form their point of view...
(Deleted comment)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: ayugarnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 02:50 am (UTC)
It is important to speak up and react and be political about things, because if people don't then awful prejudices and asshattery will continue.
That's my feeling. I can't help but feel that if I make things easier on myself by not speaking up, that I'm hurting other people in my same position. A lot of people thing of gay people as "weird people out there", not as people with faces, whom they could actually know. They don't realize that we really are everywhere. It's the same way with other prejudices-- people need to know its not okay.
*hugs tightly to infinity* Thanks for the support!
Lazuli: marry me narutolazzchan on July 22nd, 2006 09:49 pm (UTC)
You never rub it into peoples faces. *huggles tightly* Your mom is just being a dip, acting the way she is. It is no one's business but your own and if people can't understand that, it's their loss.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: ayufuturegarnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 02:52 am (UTC)
*huggles back* Thank you so much for the reassurence. I'm so grateful to have friends like you. ^_^
Amberminttown1 on July 22nd, 2006 11:43 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I think it's only natural to get upset about things you see in the media that you consider unfair. It's not a bad thing at all. (And I think, from what I've seen of you, that your mother's claims are basically unfounded.)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: alicekatie1garnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 02:53 am (UTC)
*hugs back* Thank you. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes, and I try to be aware of it, but I can't help thinking that it's better than being indifferent to all the suffering going on around you.
*hugs again*
Miyekomiyeko on July 23rd, 2006 08:26 am (UTC)
When something has an impact on what you are, of course you're going to notice/comment/get upset.

Meredith Bronwen Mallory: lily2garnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC)
People are just so quick to jump to stereotypes and conclusions. *sigh*

*hugs back* Thanks, sweetie.
Sara: G'eh?ra_sar on July 23rd, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC)
I get pretty much the same thing from my mother when we're not studiously pretending that I never came out. It really is a hard thing to hear from a family member who, under every other circumstance has given the impression that she understands you.

And, for the record, being out in this country in this day and age *is* political and shouldn't be any one else's business, but as soon as there's an element of censure or disapproval, they've made it their business and should take a moment to listen to you and your perspectives.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: dcgirlsgarnettrees on July 23rd, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
I get pretty much the same thing from my mother when we're not studiously pretending that I never came out.
See, oddly enough, my mom is okay with certain expressions of my sexuality. Like, if my brother and I are watching TV and we see an actress we both like, we'll playfully argue over her. Sometimes we end up with the "[so and so] is much hotter than [so and so]" game. My mom thinks it's cute and funny, just like she thinks it's cute/funny that I wear combat boots and Sam braids his hair. But when we get into more serious discussions of my sexuality... not cute or funny anymore, I guess.

"The personal is political" is one of those Feminism 101 things that I think a lot of people don't get. But you're right, being out in this country and this time is political whether one wants it to be or not. Bush and his fundamentalist friends have made it that way.