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18 August 2006 @ 05:54 am
[fic] The Red Truck Affair (A Disturbing Smallville/DC Mish-Mash) [clex; tim/kon]  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, so as soon as I complained about my muse not cooperating, Carol shows up an drops this mutant Tribble of a story idea in my lap. It's strange, it's odd, it's... one of my occasional attempts at humor. X_x;; I'm uncertain of the quality, but after having written three chapters of the thing, I'm convinced that sitting on it any longer will result in my hard drive actually catching fire.

This is a DC fic, but a DC fic using only selective canon. Definitely alternate universe. Pre Tim's father's death, pre evil!Kon, with Smallville as the backstory for Clark and Lex. I've always been fascinated with the whole Superboy thing, because... I mean, come on, Clark and Lex have a *kid* together. Makes a Clexy little slasher like myself sit up and take notice, dontcha know. And, since I think Smallville!Lex is very different from DCcanon!Lex, the evil-Kon stuff isn't going to happen. MR's Lex is evil, but he's not... you know, evil. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. ^__^

Pairings are Clark/Lex, Tim/Kon, and Bruce/Dick. You don't have to know a lot of DC to get this, but it helps to be familiar with at least the first season (or even first episode) of Smallville.

As always, I would be forever and ever grateful for any feedback. I'm glad you're just taking to read the story, but I hope I can bother you a bit more to comment. Please?
Yes, I'm a whore. ^^;;;

That said-- let's roll. ^_^

This is dedicated to Te, even though I don't know her. Because... damn.

The Red Truck Affair:
A Disturbing Smallville/DC Mish-Mash (1/?)

by Meredith Bronwen Mallory

CHAPTER ONE: In Which Kon's Day Takes A Decidedly Odd Turn

It started with a truck.

Later, Kon-El would discover that this statement was actually applicable in more ways than one, at the moment, he remained blissfully unaware that the morning's surprise eerily echoed a day some twenty-odd years earlier. His world made sense-- it was filled with crime-fighting superheroes, mutants, aliens, clones, and the occasional dinosaur, but it operated on parameters he could generally accept as understandable, if not logical. The truck changed all that.

It was a red truck-- a bright, beautiful red in the early Kansas morning, chrome shinning in spotless invitation to crows for miles around. Kon-El, having just clattered sleepily down the steps of the Kent's front porch for his morning chores, stopped cold and stared. A beautiful truck, at that. Top of the line, with custom hubcaps and a brilliant silver-black stripe along it's side. The bed was wide, coated in a professional-grade seal. The seats were leather, which coaxed a surprised bark of laughter from Kon's mouth. With just a dozen scrambled eggs and a ream of bacon in his system, he was only half awake, but he usually did chores to give Aunt Martha time to work up Breakfast Round #2. Almost mesmerized, Kon circled the truck, noting how innocently it sat in the Kent's dusty drive way, as if it were in no way out of place. There was a big silver bow perched atop the hood.
He wasn't entirely sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Conner?" Uncle Jonathan's voice carried through the screen door, accompanied by the heavy tread of his boots. "Conner, don't forget that the tractor is--" The door opened, then slammed heavily shut, but Kon couldn't bring himself to turn around. Instead, he waited until he saw Uncle Jon's shadow before him, still staring in wonder at the truck.
"Dudes, what's with the truck?" he asked. It was the choked noise Uncle Jon made that finally tore Kon's gaze away, and he quickly found himself riveted by a new surprise. Jonathan Kent's face was turning an alarming shade of red.
"Mister K--" Kon smacked his head. "*Uncle* Jon?" he stressed. He got no response from the older man, save a few inarticulate clickings of the throat. He tapped the farmer's shoulder, becoming concerned in a way that had nothing to do with Evil Supervillians, and everything to do with Adults Being Weird. "Hey, are you alright?"
Uncle Jon took in a deep breath, as if preparing for a long winded but ultimately comforting explanation. Instead, he bellowed, "MARTHA!"

Martha Kent, graying auburn hair pulled back in a loose braid, opened the screen door with one hand, a pitcher of milk in the other.
"Honestly, Jonathan--" she began. Kon turned around just in time to watch her catch her first glimpse of the truck. She blinked several times, as if she'd woken from a dream and wasn't certain if it was morning or evening, before her hand flew to her mouth. At the same time, the screen door began to shut and her other hand, clearly shaking, lost its grip on the pitcher. The door banged into her foot as milk cascaded around her ankles, but she didn't seem to notice.
"Aunt Martha?" Kon asked, speeding right past 'concerned' and deep into 'alarmed'. His eyes widened comically as his normally fastidious aunt simply stepped over the pitcher's remains and came down into the dooryard, leaving solitary milky footprints behind her. Her eyes-- a comforting blue shade Kon often pretended he'd inherited from her-- flickered between her husband and the truck, then between the truck and her erstwhile 'nephew'. Kon eyed both adults warily, struggling to keep his body on the ground. "Um?" he waved his hand, "could we stop with the staring and the weirdness and make with the explanations and the annoying Kansas 'normalness'?"

Neither his aunt nor his uncle seemed to have heard him.
"There's a card," Aunt Martha said, pointing to a small cardboard square tucked under the bow.
"I see it," Uncle Jon said, in the same tone one normally reserves for saying things like 'yes, I see the disgusting sheep-guts sprayed all over my overalls.'
"Did you check the card?" she asked hopefully, worrying the tip of her thumb with her teeth.
Uncle Jon's voice was like a deadly crack of thunder-- "I know who its from."
"It could be a coincidence," Martha said, using her 'oh-please-clark-don't-fight-with-your-father' voice. "It could be--"
"I know who its from." Louder this time. Martha nodded like she agreed, but was being optimistic out of sheer force of will. Both adults eyed the truck nervously.
"Okay," Kon said, coming to stand infront of them and block their view of The Truck. He already had it capitalized in his mind. "You guys are seriously freaking me out here. What the hell is going on!?" They both looked at him, the way they sometimes did when he pushed at his glasses or shuffled his feet. The way they did when he exhibited Clark's mannerisms. Only... there was something else there, too. Neither one of them chastised him for his language.
"I'm calling Clark," Uncle Jon declared, spinning on his heel. Aunt Martha stopped him before he could actually take a step towards the house.
"He just finished with that business in Peru, dear," she reminded him. "He looked so tired on the news last night-- it's early, and we haven't even checked the card..."
"Martha," Jonathan said, in that disturbing way that long-married couples had. It communicated whole paragraphs of meaning, indecipherable to anyone outside the pair.
Kon, feeling extremely out of the loop, pinched the bridge of his nose and wished fervently for Tim. Tim could handle weirdness-- he was good at it. He was practically the weirdness police. He could win awards for being totally unmoved by the most bizarre situations. Kon shook his head, waving his arm, again trying to capture his guardians' attention. Finally, they broke eye contact with one another to look at him, both with an odd expression that was more than a little unnerving. As always, Kon's brain responded to discomfort the only way it knew how-- it opened his mouth, and dropped out the first words on his tongue.
Lamely, he offered, "It's a nice truck."

"I'll call Clark," Martha said quickly, while Jonathan's face reached a part of the color spectrum Kon wasn't even sure there were words for. His aunt was halfway to the door when Uncle Jon started shouting.
"Again!" he said, waving his arms, "it's happening again! They never _go_away_! All damned over again!"
"I'm calling Clark," his aunt replied, having moved into her 'we-will-deal-with-this-crisis-calmly' tone of voice. Jonathan grunted in a way that was probably affirmative, and stalked off towards the barn, leaving Kon alone with The Truck.

Kon stared at The Truck.
The Truck sat there, inert and inanimate. It wasn't a crazed scientist, or an evil alien overlord, or a failed genetic experiment, or a hideous monster, so Kon really didn't know what to do. His aunt and uncle had raised one distressingly humanoid superpowered alien and were working on their second. They'd dealt with Heat Vision, X-Ray Vision, Super-Speed, Kryptonite poisoning, meteor showers, and Krypto the Super Dog with amazing grace under fire.
They were unnerved by a truck.

With deliberate casualness, Kon hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and strolled over to The Truck. When it didn't attack him or attempt to eat him, he carefully plucked the note up and unfolded the surprisingly nice paper. The script was neat and elegant, if angular.
It read simply:
I'm going to assume he likes red, too. Let me know if your parents need anything. I remember your appetite; it's going to get expensive.

"Okay," Kon said, blinking in the full morning sunlight. "Now I'm really confused."

*blinks big anime-esque puppy dog eyes* Feedback? Pretty please?
Emotional Temperature: anxiousanxious
The Band Plays:: "Meant to Live"-- by Switchfoot
Natasha: futureclextheclexfactor on August 18th, 2006 11:51 am (UTC)
First of all, I am a BIG comics fan, and I read Superman comics as well as Teen Titans, so I LOVE what you've written so far. Your Kon is hilarious without meaning to be, and that's the best kind of humor to me. I can't wait to read more.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: badgirlsgarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
I'm glad my writing can pass snuff with a dedicated comics fan! I like the comics, too, but I got started on Smallville and the animated series, so I sometimes worry about keeping everything straight. (har, har ^^;)

I love Kon to little pieces-- he comes from a very weird "family life" and yet he seems a lot more stable than some other Titans I could name. ^__~
(no subject) - theclexfactor on August 18th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
althea_astrea on August 18th, 2006 12:41 pm (UTC)
Wonderful beginning!!

I have like, a millon questions, but I'll be good and wait till' the next part.

Poor Kon, anyway, not understanding anything!
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: marthakentgarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
*blushes* Thank you! Hopefully, your questions will be answered by the end of the story. ^_^

*pets Kon* He's just a clueless little half-alien, isn't he? *giggle*
AerynSun: Clexfloorpeach1250 on August 18th, 2006 12:48 pm (UTC)
Very nice...Post more soon please.

I totally love Jonathon's reaction. And Lex had to know that he would make that happen. He probably giggled as he wrote the note.

One beta note the formatting seems to be a bit off, no breaks where I think you intened them.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: magicgarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad you found it entertaining!

Lex very much orchestrated the whole thing on purpose. Being Evil means he no longer has the impossible task of trying to stay on Jonathon's good side. Annoying Mr. Kent is just one of the perks.

Sorry about the formatting. I love your icon, btw.
The Dreamer of a Thousand Names for Starlightcloudtrader on August 18th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
Ooooh, shiny!
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: kayleegarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
Shiny is good! ^_^
Ut Pictura Poesiswanderlustlover on August 18th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC)
Squee! More!

I like it-love it-want more!
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: notafraidgarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
*blushes* That's the best compliment a girl can get!
Lady Dayladydey on August 18th, 2006 04:32 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA! So very good.

Anything that makes Jonathan, and really Martha, freak out quite so much is seriously fabulous.

Great start.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: pmsgarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:20 pm (UTC)
*grins* I'm so glad you thought it was funny. Torturing SV!Jonathon is a guilty pleasure of mine. It's just so hard not to. ^_^

Thanks so much for the comment!
(Deleted comment)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: dcgirlsgarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC)
*grins* Thank you so much! Your icon is just perfect for this.
conserconser on August 18th, 2006 05:02 pm (UTC)
Hilarity ensues, I am certain. Thank you for this fic.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: zoegarnettrees on August 18th, 2006 08:22 pm (UTC)
Hopefully, it will. ^_^ Thank *you* for the comment. I hope you enjoy the rest.
one accident away from being a supervillain: rbn: here alone againmidnightbex on August 18th, 2006 10:45 pm (UTC)
Seriously this is my all time favorite type of Kon fic with the clex and the kon/tim and the mixing up of Smallville and the main DCU. It makes me all flaily and incoherent so I'm going to apologise before it gets too bad! :D

Your Kon is fantastic! He's got a normal-guy voice, the style is very much comics Kon, and he's endearing even in only this tiny bit. Your Martha and your Jonathan seem to be a great mixture of the Smallville and DCU versions, which is great. I can't wait to see your Clark and your Lex!

All in all, a fantastic beginning and I'm really looking forward to more!
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: ayugarnettrees on August 22nd, 2006 10:58 am (UTC)
*grins* You're not incoherent, Bex. I really appreciate any type of comments, anyway. ^_~

I'm so glad my Kon seems IC to you-- I worried about being able to write him properly, since I'm more familiar with Tim. I can't thank you enough for the positive FB.

Hope to see you at the next chapter,
(no subject) - midnightbex on August 22nd, 2006 02:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - bloodygoodgirl on August 19th, 2006 02:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: darla_dru2garnettrees on August 22nd, 2006 10:59 am (UTC)
*blush* Thank you so much! Hopefully the next chapter won't disappoint. ^_^
Bagheera: up and awaybagheera_san on August 19th, 2006 08:50 am (UTC)
Nice! I hope it's going to be a long story, because I'm hungry for backstory with this fic (and long stories are always good :D).
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: boomer2garnettrees on August 22nd, 2006 11:00 am (UTC)
This bunny's looking to be a strong one, so you may get your wish. I'm so glad you're enjoying it enough to want more!
(Deleted comment)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: violetgarnettrees on August 22nd, 2006 11:02 am (UTC)
*blushes* Wow, Ilyena-- getting feedback from you is really pleasing, since I loved your "Puberty" and "Discovery" fics. That little nod you made towards Lex being the one to *cough* help Clark... that was just great.

I don't even touch SV past the third season. *sigh* You're absolutely right-- character-rape is what it is.

Lex has far more up his sleeve, I assure you. ^_^ I just hope the next chapter doesn't disappoint.
Rachel 2: Tim/Robinvespa331 on August 20th, 2006 05:02 am (UTC)
Oh my god, I'm ridiculously excited about this series. I love stories that combine Smallville Clex with comic canon, cause Smallville Lex is just such an awesome character. I can so picture Jonathan flipping out and Smug!Lex, you've already set up the characters beautifully. Please write lots more, quickly!
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: fab4garnettrees on August 22nd, 2006 11:04 am (UTC)
Smallvile Lex is just the best, isn't he? MR has done wonders with the character. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, and that the characters seem IC. I worry about that when doing comedy. ^^;;

Love your icon, btw! It's Timmy! *squish*
jakrarjakrar on August 20th, 2006 10:22 pm (UTC)
I really, really like the start of this story, but it took genuine work to read it, since I had a terrible time trying to make out the black lettering against the dark background. Don't know whether anyone else had this problem, but your site might be easier to read with a lighter colored background. As far as the story itself, you're off to a good start. Can't wait to see Clark's reaction!
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: brokenheartsgarnettrees on August 22nd, 2006 11:06 am (UTC)
I'm sorry about the backround, jakrar-- I haven't gotten any other complaints, but I'll be sure to fix it before I post the next chapter. Again, I apologize.

I'm glad you deemed the story worth it, anyway. ^_^
LauraB1laurab1 on August 22nd, 2006 10:35 pm (UTC)
Oh, yes :) This is great! Poor Kon, he's so confused.