Mostly Sloth, Wrath and Avarice, to be honest. *sighs heavily* Things are just crazy around here. Partly due to the fact Little Cousin will be shipping out in late October, and now we have the fun waiting period during which his mother can throw periodic temper tantrums at yours truly, relatives can offer unsolicited advice, and LC can alternate between being bizarrely affectionate or confrontational because he knows he's leaving soon. Plus, it's summer, so the nieces are home, my brother is only working part time, and... there's just not a lot of time to myself. And-- bonus-- July was birthday month! Five out of nine close family members celebrated all in a cluster. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time, but it's a lot to take in.
So. Time to own up. Time was, I could do all seven before breakfast-- I must be getting old. ^_~
AVARICE: This is the one that upsets me, because it's so stupid. I have told myself time and time again that I need to stop caring so much about my job. I always want to have quality performance-- that's a matter of personal integrity. But I need to turn off the part that wants to move up or derive any satisfaction. I'm not moving up in the company... I've been told that straight to my face, by two different managers. HR has made it clear they won't help me, even though the reasons for keeping me out of the supervisor pool (my looks, my "prejudice" against men) are extremely biased. When I went down to make a complaint, one of the aforementioned managers actually came down and forced me to leave the meeting with the HR rep. This last week has simply added insult to injury. Another girl (we'll call her Brandi) was hired around the same time I was. She's about five years my senior, with more corporate experience, and a killer figure. She's also a true social butterfly-- watching her work a room is truly something to behold. And, on the other hand, there's little ol' Meredith. I get 95% in customer service, I've qualified for the full raise every time I've been up for review, I volunteer for loanwork to the Fraud and Training Departments, I work extra hours when we're overloaded, and I willingly gave up my weekends when asked to. Brandi demands her weekends be kept free for her daughter's cheerleading (understandable to a degree... she *is* the only one who isn't forced to work at least one weekend day). Brandi has an 80% customer service rating, never qualifies for her raise, doesn't pay attention during training classes and later asks *me* for help. She has no other deptartment experience. We both applied for a position that opened up for Fraud Prevention.
... the position went to Brandi.
Then, when one of their supervisors quit unexpectedly, they promoted *her*. She has no Fraud training, no experience, and now she's a supervisor?
See, I'm a horrible person. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't expect any of my skills or good behavior to pay off, because that's not what this is about. It's about office politics, ass kissing, and who can pretend to be 'bff's with the boss. I've turned down one too many inappropriate workplace advances, and too often insisted on correcting errors where I find them. I'm a "boat rocker" and a "man-hating lesbian". (No, Mr. Creepy Email Supervisor, I don't hate men, but I also don't like being cornered by you in the copy room.) And people tell me feminism is outdated. *hands up*
It's a job. It's moderately interesting, it's legal, and it lets me pay bills and take care of the people I love. That's all it needs to do. *internal mantra time*
SLOTH:: My medication makes me extremely sleepy, still. In addition, my mother came down to visit for the week of her birthday. Now, I love my mother dearly-- I'd lay down across traintracks for her if she asked me to. However, she's been 'micromanaging' since before they invented that buzz word. Sleeping is the ultimate opt-out defense. So I stayed in bed a little more than strictly nessecary in the beginning of July.
WRATH: More like plain, unadulterated frustration. "In Amnion" is driving me up the wall. I keep writing a page or two, only to discover I'm working on Chapter 14 before finishing Chapter 13. Finally, I started sitting down late at night and writing by hand-- it breaks the block, but it's slower than molasses rolling down a Yheti's behind. I am still working on it, I promise! My goal is to post more before my birthday... which gives me exactly a week from tomorrow. Heh.
In fandom news, I thoroughly enjoyed the fifth season of Doctor Who. I know some people 'ship Eleven/Amy, but I really saw their relationship as an adorable Older Brother/ Little Sister dynamic. They fed off each others enthusiasm, and took poor unsuspecting Rory along for the ride. For the record, I think River Song is a big ol' Mary Sue, but I'm gonna have to live with that. I tried to like her, really I did! That was more than I even did for Gwen, lemme tell you. All and all, though, the series really reawakened my delight in the Who'verse. Those cracks in time birthed quite a few bunnies, too.
The amazing badly_knitted, who's been such a help and encouragement to me in regards to "In Amnion", posted a really darling fic called Capturing the Beast that I really enjoyed. It was wonderful to see Jack and Ianto flirting, having fun, and just being the Torchwood boys. If you're in the mood to smile, have a wander over her way.
Finally, I'm reading a book called The Physics of the Impossible by Michio Kaku. He's an American-born Japanese physicist with a wonderful imagination, and a great ability to bring quantum physics down to an unstandable level. I love Quantum Theory, but I'm horrible at math, so it needs to be accessible and engaging for me. Kaku is brilliantly engaging, and obviously an old Star Trek fan from all the references. It's great. There are separate chapters on Invisibility, Parallel Universes, Anti-Universes, Phasers and Time Travel. Needless to say, the Torchwood bunnies are having a field day. ^_^
Anyway, I promise I haven't run off to Okinawa to become a pearl diver, or anything like that. ^_~ I hope to have more "In Amnion" soon, for anyone who remembers the woeful thing. O_o
Thanks for listening,