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02 January 2015 @ 10:51 pm
Out Goes the Horse, In Comes the Sheep  
Well, the Christmas tree has been put up and subsequently taken down; the menorah candles have been extinguished for the year, and all the latkes have been eaten. (There were a lot of latkes.) Who the hell said it could be 2015 already?

Probably a lot of people who made it through 2014. I don't know about some of you, but this year brought some of the biggest personal upsets I've experienced since 2011. All in all, despite how unpleasant the changes were while I was going through them, I think I'm mostly in a better place. I hope you can say the same thing as well. How come, when they talk to you about 'character-building' in Temple or at Sunday school, they never explain that those experiences are usually something no one in their right mind would sign up for, but after which you couldn't imagine who you'd be without them? *rapid blinking* I am definitely a lot more paranoid.
… and still not the worst person I know! *fist-bumps Margot Verger*

Incidentally, I actually ran into my old manager in Wal-Mart at the beginning of December. If you'd asked me what I'd say to her, I would have listed a thousand things (all of them unpleasant, some of them extremely graphic)… yet when the time came and I opened my mouth, I had no idea what was going to come out. Turns out, what I said was, "Hello, Ms L---! How are you doing?" in such a pleasant voice that my brother for a moment thought he'd misidentified her. I've never seen a look like that on anyone's face, but she yanked her cart around and got out of the pharmacy line, stalking away while I said, "I really hope you're doing well!" And was some of that cheerfulness practically Satanic? Probably. Am I a horrible person for being satisfied that she couldn't look me in the face or speak to me?
Yes, I am a horrible person. Again, still not the worst! ;-)

All joking and snide, ironic incidents aside-- I am very grateful. I have a good job, with a company that is willing to pay for additional training and invest in my professional skill set. It's not the sort of position I ever imagined myself in, but things rarely work out the way we envision them. I went for a week's worth for SQL training at the end of November and really learned a lot. I still have a goal of eventually, someday, working in Anti-Money Laundering or Credit Fraud for the government, and database skills will be a big bonus on the resume. For now, I take it a day at a time, a task at a time. There's nothing up at my desk but a single print out of a stained glass window by Louis Comfort Tiffany-- I know better than to jinx myself by using the words 'stable' or 'future'. But I'm okay.

LC came home for twelve days around Christmas, which was initially a bit worrisome simply because I didn't know if we could keep him entertained and out of trouble for that long. But I forget sometimes that, while I can spot his swagger all the way on the other side of the airport, he's growing and changing too. Despite the fact he was on vacation, he still did a lot of work from the kitchen table trying to get commission and shaking down customers (he repossesses cars in Miami Beach). He ordered a pack of 64 liquor filled chocolates, but only ate five of them, and he offered me a sip of his chocolate martini when things with the extended family got a little rocky on Christmas Eve. Every night, he showed up with laptop in tow, and we all watched a movie on Netflix and then played a round of Super Smash Brothers or Mario Party. He's always been a good kid under all the bluster, and I'm proud of the man he's become.

I also want to say that I am proud to count you all as my friends. I know so many beautiful, amazing and talented people-- gamesiplay, minttown1, bibliotropic, sanlynn, badly_knitted, loneraven and macadamaity to name just a few. Given some of the heartbreaking news lately around identity and self-acceptance (not to mention the acceptance of others), I think it's important to say that-- while it is the nature of humanity to be flawed-- each and every one of you is perfect just the way you are.

Happy 2015, everyone!

Emotional Temperature: contemplativecontemplative
The Band Plays:: "it takes a fool to remain sane"-- by The ARK
hab318princess on January 3rd, 2015 09:33 am (UTC)
Happy 2015 to you too!

And yeah, totally agree with your sentiment about growing in character: it's horrible while you're on the journey but you wouldn't want to be different either.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: bigfishiesgarnettrees on January 6th, 2015 01:51 am (UTC)
*hugs* I hope your New Year is off to a great start!

Isn't it funny how life works? Damn thing should come with a warning label. ^_~
hab318princess on January 6th, 2015 08:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks, not so bad so far... I think

and yeah, warning label would be good.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: ohiknowgarnettrees on January 10th, 2015 05:39 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Hopefully, it will only get better! ;-)
badly_knittedbadly_knitted on January 3rd, 2015 10:45 am (UTC)
Awwww! Thankyou! *squishes* Happy 2015 to you too, I hope this year is a happier one for you! Character-building is all very well, but I think you could use a break from it.

You proved yourself the better person when you ran into your old manager by speaking to her politely. The fact that she fled just proves she's the one with the problem. It must have been rather gratifying to witness, I'm sure I would have experienced an almost obscene amount of glee at the sight.

Wishing you a happy, healthy, stress-free 2015! *hugs*
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: love2garnettrees on January 6th, 2015 01:54 am (UTC)
Character-building is all very well, but I think you could use a break from it.
*hugs* Thank you! Couldn't we all use a break, huh?

You proved yourself the better person when you ran into your old manager by speaking to her politely.
Heh-- my brother later advised that it was something of a 'creepy' polite, but I'm surprised I managed that.

The fact that she fled just proves she's the one with the problem.
Most former co-workers (or classmates) I've ever run into pretend friendliness and interest, even if we despised one another. You're right, it is very funny. ;-)

I hope your new year has started off right!
badly_knittedbadly_knitted on January 6th, 2015 12:43 pm (UTC)
Not bad aside from mum's carers being scheduled at 8am over the entire holiday period meaning I had to get up at 7 every single day. Now they're scheduled for 7.35 over the weekend and I've put my foot down - or I'm trying to, if I could get an answer from the agency. No way am I getting up at half past 6 when I often don't get to sleep until 2 in the morning. I think they're trying to kill me from exhaustion =(

aside from that, things are okay, I'm managing to keep up with writing challenges and I've already written over 4000 words this year! I wrote over 200,000 last year =D I doubt I'll keep up that pace this year, but I'm enjoying it anyway.

Here's to a happy and fulfilling 2015!
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: love2garnettrees on January 10th, 2015 05:42 pm (UTC)
Sorry for the delay in responding! I'm sorry you're having trouble with the agency-- sometimes I think bureaucrats completely forget that some people don't work/live on a traditional 8 hour shift schedule. I hope you're able to get more sleep soon!

Wow, you've already been a lot more productive than I have this year-- but I'm just excited to be writing on a semi-regular basis again. I think that was a sign of how unhappy I was at my old job: I wasn't writing, and that's usually an indicator of too much stress, for me. ;-)

*toasts with hot chocolate* Cheers!
badly_knitted: JB Weirdbadly_knitted on January 10th, 2015 09:14 pm (UTC)

Glad to hear you're writing again! It's such a positive thing to do, even though I don't know the fandoms you're writing in now. (I'm writing a few different fandoms now instead of just Torchwood, though it's still my main fandom.) I'm still motoring on, approaching 9000 words now *grins* So much for easing back a bit o_O

I spoke to the agency, hopefully they'll be more sensible. I know they're juggling a lot of clients, but they're being paid to take some of the pressure OFF me, not add more. That's life though, I'm stuck being mum's main carer because I was never in good enough health to leave home, so the person least capable of doing the job gets it, namely me. I am resigned. At least I'm still managing to find some time to keep myself sane by writing! LOL!
Amberminttown1 on January 4th, 2015 12:45 am (UTC)
I love you, Meredith. You're not a horrible person at all -- sometimes those "lower vibration" actions, as Deb calls them, are what keep you going. And your manager, to be blunt, more than deserved a few moments of discomfort. :P

Happy new year. <3
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: friendsgarnettrees on January 6th, 2015 01:55 am (UTC)
I like that! "Low vibrations"! It makes me want to sing the Beach Boys. ^_~ (That might help me feel warmer-- are you guys getting all these winter storm warnings, too?)

*hugs* Happy New Year, doll! I love you too!
gamesiplay: friendsgamesiplay on January 5th, 2015 05:25 am (UTC)
"Hello, Ms L---! How are you doing?" in such a pleasant voice that my brother for a moment thought he'd misidentified her. I've never seen a look like that on anyone's face, but she yanked her cart around and got out of the pharmacy line, stalking away while I said, "I really hope you're doing well!"

You are the greatest. :D

So much love to you, Meredith. I'm really glad to hear that you're okay. I am, too, despite the fact that I never envisioned this future for myself either. Life is strange.
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: hugsgarnettrees on January 6th, 2015 01:58 am (UTC)
You are the greatest. :D

Not really, but I try. I honestly had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth when I opened it. It was one of those moments when you say to yourself, 'Why am I talking!?'

So much love back, Leigh-darling. Life takes us down some decidedly unexpected paths-- it makes me want to laugh out loud when I think of all the 'career days' and 'future planning' we had to do in high school. The best preparation would probably been an honest-to-god copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- DON'T PANIC. ;-)
(Deleted comment)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: peacablegarnettrees on January 10th, 2015 05:45 pm (UTC)
I hope you have a happy new year, too!

*evil smirk back* It's nice to know that the cliche is true-- that bullies are just cowards in disguise. ;-)

I miss working in fraud. My job now is not unpleasant, and I'm learning a lot, but I miss the 'thrill of the chase', as it were. I'm hoping that all the programming skills I'm developing now will make me an asset in the sort of data analysis needed to detect those patterns. I am obviously waaaay geekier than you! ^_~
(Anonymous) on January 11th, 2015 01:18 am (UTC)
Hi there
Just wanted to say Hi & happy new year, ive left a few messages in your tumblr box sorry I just got a little excited messaging you about how excited I am about all the updates to your fics lately Lol...I hope everything continues to go well at your job and you have a fun-filled 2015 :-)
Meredith Bronwen Mallory: hugsgarnettrees on January 16th, 2015 02:03 am (UTC)
Re: Hi there
Hey! I always love hearing from you, I promise. ;-) I did eventually respond on Tumblr-- I'm just terrible with keeping up online throughout the week, especially since I have a huge programming project that's kicking my butt right now at work. Stupid RL. Wish I could kick it back. ^_~

Hope your New Year is going great, too!