Meredith Bronwen Mallory (garnettrees) wrote,
Meredith Bronwen Mallory

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Aliens, Future-Meddling, and Evil Cylon Babies

The season finale of The 4400 was on last night (and boy did it ever just line up the ass and kick it in a seriously awesome manner!), and now I'm going to have to wait until next June to find out what happens next. *pouts* Additionally, there's no BSG this week, either. *hugs her remaining Firefly tight* There's so little television I can actually stand...

To amuse myself whilst I'm waiting, I think I'll make a few predictions as to the direction these shows are going in. These are not meant to be taken seriously in any way. If you do, and it breaks your brain, I disclaim any and all responsiblity. ^_~ They contain sex, silliness, bashing of certain characters, and more sex. Also, there are massive spoilers in here, assuming you can pick them out of all my silliness.

Meredith's Predictions For Season Three of 'The 4400'"

  • Tom finally comes to his senses and realizes that Ilana is really an evil entity masquerading as a 4400. The entire plot becomes clear to him when, in the middle of dinner, she attempts to suck his brain out with previously unseen tenticles. He shoots her, and NTAC takes the remains away to be disected in some secret bunker. Marco and the Theory Room Guys are orgasmic with delight, and order front row tickets. No one misses Ilana, or her cheesy accent.
    No, I don't like Ilana. What makes you ask?
  • Collier now zombiefied, is actually now more endearing to the public. He communicates primarily through grunts and wild hand gestures, and everyone agrees that this is a vast improovement. Devon finally gets her man-- unfortunately, he won't shave his beard, and ends up with fleas, but I seriously doubt she'd let that stop her.
  • Now that Collier is back from the dead, Kyle will obviously not be charged with his murder. He and Shawn will go out for a big celebration dinner with Danny; something really classy, which will look strange with these three guys in their jeans. They all get completely toasted, Shawn foots the bill. Luckily, they have all those secret service guys to make sure they make it home safely-- it comes in real handy when Kyle and Shawn start passionately snogging in the back seat of the Mercedes. Danny gets confused and passes out-- the secret service men take pictures, because that's what they're paid to do.
    I slash Kyle/Shawn. I am a very bad girl.
  • Kevin's already fragile brain is damaged by the injection he gave himself, and he returns to his intense state of paranoid schizophrenia. He's actually a much more likeable character this way, and he returns to the Institution to look after Tess and be her puppy dog. Tess forgives him for being an ass when he was sane, and they begin ploting to destroy the doctors in the submarines.
  • Shawn tells Isabelle that he's not discussing anything with her until she puts some clothing on and calls her mommy.
  • Marco and Diana have a successful date, without any predictions of upcoming doom on Maia's part. Of course, this is because Maia has snuck out to visit Shawn at the 4400 center-- she runs into Isabelle whilst looking for him. One thing leads to another, and the two prodigy children end up in a knock-down drag-out fight which shakes the foundations of the building, breaks pipes, and takes out the entire Seattle electronic frame. Maia wins because, even though Isabelle can fry people with her brain, Maia can see every move coming. She soundly kicks Isabelle's ass, after which Lily thanks her profusely, because boy was that girl ever getting to be brat.
  • Richard masters his telekenetic abilities and uses it in complex juggling routines. This is so impressive that he joins the circus. Lily wears a sequened outfit, introduces his number, and he juggles her as the finale. Jordan wishes he'd thought of that first.

Meredith's Predictions For The Second Half of BSG Season 2

  • Someone (the cameras show a visage suspiciously like that of Lee Adama) pushes Ellen Tigh out an air lock. In response, Rosalin declares a colonial holiday throughout the fleet, and everyone gets rip-roaring drunk. No charges are ever pressed.
  • Finally freed from his farce of a marriage, Tigh publicly declares his undying love and "cuddly feelings" for Commander Adama. The entire bridge heaves a sigh of relief, and most everyone hands over their cash to Duala, who's been taking bets on the relationship since she was assigned to Galatica. Adama and Tigh are not seen for several days-- no one goes looking for them, because they don't even want to think about it.
  • Considerably drunk from the celebrations, Helo begins loudly proclaiming how beautiful/awesome/wonderful his Cylon daughter will be when she's born. Someone suggests he needs serious help. Tyrol decides to go back to Caprica and see if he can't find another Sharon of his own.
  • Rosalin tells Billy that, when she took on the mantle of leader, she never knew it came with an oath of celebacy. Billy, however, is suspiciously absent, and Rosalin goes off to look for Starbuck.
  • Everyone studiously avoids the fact that Guias is a fruitcake.
  • Starbuck tells Lee that she's never been in love with him, and that the 'Lee' she gasped out during sex with Guias was actually just a really awesome brand of chocolate she's been missing since the Cylon attack. Lee confesses that he's always gotten weird 'incest' vibes from her, anyway. They resolve never to speak of it again, and every single 'twu luv' Kara/Lee shipper's brain explodes. The BSG fandom laughs-- Original!Starbuck and Original!Apollo heave sighs of relief and go back to boinking like bunnies.
  • Boomer begins having pregnancy cravings and demands that Helo find her some pickles. Helo searches the entire fleet with no luck, before he finally takes off for parts unknown, terrified to go back empty handed.
  • Guias and Number Six have the following conversation:
    GUIAS: What are we going to do tonight, Six?
    SIX: The same thing we do every night, Guias.
    GUIAS: Try to take over the world?
    SIX: *deadpan* Have sex in unusual places and freak out the audience.
    GUIAS: Right.

Told you I wasn't being serious. ^_~ They're probably not even funny. *posts anyway, 'cause she's a doink*
Tags: aliens, battlestar, silly-things, slash, the-4400, zombies

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